…out of an abusive relationship, toward repairing that relationship, or toward changing your behavior if you are an abuser… is not easy. 

There are hundreds, possibly thousands, of websites devoted to domestic violence. WSKG has not examined them all, and of course cannot vouch for their content, but we have searched and studied extensively and pointed here to the ones that seem most useful and credible. They all have links to other sites, and if in your search you find one you think should be added here, please email it to us: mail@wskg.pbs.org

One apology: our usage of pronouns would seem to suggest WSKG thinks that women are always the victims and men are always the batterers. We are aware that roles are sometimes reversed, and that there is debate about how often this happens.  Violence against an intimate partner is a criminal act no matter which gender is the aggressor, but whatever the truth of the competing claims about how often women batter men, it seems clear that men’s violence against women is the much more serious problem.

Is My Partner Changing?

Adapted from material on a website called Emerge, a batterers intervention program. Again, pronoun usage notwithstanding, it’s understood that men are not always aggressors and women are not always victims.
Either way, you are the best judge of whether your partner is changing or not; if your gut feeling is that there is no change, trust that regardless of other signs.

 Signs of Change

·       He’s completely stopped saying and doing things that frighten you

·     You can express your own anger without fear of  being punished

·     You feel safe to bring up topics on which you and he don’t agree

·     He listens to your opinion with respect, even if he disagrees

·     He’s stopped saying abusive things, even in arguments

·     He respects your wishes about sex and physical contact

·     He doesn’t expect you to do things that you don’t want to do

·     He doesn’t object to your spending with your own friends or family

·     He doesn’t  obstruct your attempts to go to school or get a job

·     You feel the children are safe with him

·     He’s begun giving you compliments, unprompted

·     He genuinely listens to what you have to say

·     He’s doing his share of housework and childcare

Signs of No Change

·     He uses information learned in his intervention group against you 

·     He tells you that you are the one that is abusive

·     He’s pressuring you to go to therapy yourself

·     He’s pressuring you to go to couples counseling together with him

·     He minimizes or makes light of incidents of abuse

·     He’s demanding a ‘second chance’

·     He says it’s impossible to change without your support

·     He tries to get sympathy for his abusive actions from you or the children

·     He finds reasons to skip intervention group meetings

·     He expects something in return from you for attending these meetings

·     He’s pressuring you to move back in together

·     He’s pressuring you to drop criminal charges or your restraining order